I’ve been a single mother for almost five years now, since my daughter turned nine, and she’s now nearly 14. I have to admit that raising a child at this “awkward” age is a bit difficult. Because she has her own ego and wants to protect it, sometimes when I say ten things, she only absorbs one.

Previously, out of concern for my daughter’s disadvantages, I always protected her within my boundaries, fearing she would be hurt by any external influence. But perhaps when my daughter reaches puberty, it will be very difficult for me to do that. Many of her hobbies, which I previously forbade, she now pursues on her own.

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However, my daughter didn’t argue with me; instead, she chose to do it secretly. Perhaps she was genuinely afraid of me, but it could also be that she was worried her actions would upset or displease me. Whatever the reason, with the instincts of a mother, I will do everything I can to protect her and give her the best.

I don’t know if my daughter understands this, but what she did yesterday has been bothering me ever since, and I’ve cried a lot because I don’t know if I’m doing a good job as a mother and if I’ve been raising her properly.

Last night, while I was sleeping in my room, I suddenly heard strange noises coming from the kitchen. I assumed it was just mice, so I didn’t get up immediately. But the noises kept coming again, so I started to worry and feel a little scared, wondering if there might be a burglar.

So I mustered up the courage to get out of bed, a pair of scissors I’d taken from the cupboard for self-defense. I groped my way toward the kitchen. However, in the dim light, I saw the silhouette of my little daughter along with a “stranger.” That “stranger” was none other than a small cat, looking a bit sickly and dirty.

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I was quite surprised because I didn’t know what was going on, and why my daughter was secretly keeping a cat behind my back, even though I knew I had never allowed it before, because I was worried about her safety. With a frown on my face, I asked in a stern voice:

– What are you doing here, Squirrel? And what about this cat? Where did it come from?

Hearing my voice, the girl jumped up in surprise, quickly hiding the package of food behind her back. The little cat, seeing a stranger, also hid behind it in fear. Knowing that the truth had been revealed, the daughter then spoke frankly:

“Mom, I found this little kitten near the lawn by our house on my way home from school this afternoon. It looked like it had been abandoned by its owner and was wandering around with a rumbling stomach and a disheveled appearance. When it saw me, the kitten followed me, constantly meowing as if it needed help. It looked so pitiful, so I decided to bring it home to feed it.”

But I know you’ve always hated cats and dogs and wouldn’t let me keep any. I don’t understand why, but they’re really innocent and quite pitiful, Mom. Now I’ve decided to adopt a kitten, so please don’t stop me. I want to experience my own feelings and my desires for once. This little kitten was abandoned, and I understand that feeling, just like the day Dad left us. 

When I heard my daughter say this, tears welled up in my eyes. I went closer and hugged her. Faced with her genuine emotions and feelings, I finally let go of the “armor” I had created for her, allowing her to be herself, to do what she liked without being controlled or managed by her mother.

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I couldn’t sleep a wink that night, thinking about my daughter’s confessions. It turned out I was the one at fault, not her. I had raised her the wrong way, but I hadn’t realized it sooner. Instead, I always thought that my daughter was going through puberty, experiencing psychological and emotional changes, no longer being as close to me as before, and often defying my wishes.

It’s true that my child’s psychology and emotions have changed, but those changes are positive. My child is more emotionally expressive, more loving and understanding, and their kindness is growing. All of this proves that my child is kind and deeply compassionate. As a mother, I should be happy and joyful, shouldn’t I, everyone…?

A message from reader hamoc…@gmail.com

Every parent loves their child, but that love should be expressed in the right way, and it’s not about constantly protecting, sheltering, and controlling your child. If parents want what’s best for their children, they should let them be themselves, especially when they reach that age where they need to be.

When children are allowed to be themselves, parents may not need to do anything extraordinary; the children will still grow up happy and know how to love life and appreciate others. That’s why, when raising children, especially during adolescence, parents should absolutely not be too strict or forbid them from freely doing what they want, as long as it’s within appropriate and proper limits.

Instead, spend more time talking to your child. Teenagers experience significant psychological and physiological changes, which parents sometimes overlook because their children are hesitant to share. However, if parents know how to approach and befriend their children at this age, parenting will be easier. At this point, parents understand what their children want, need, and will do.

When parents act as companions to their children, ready to support them whenever needed, rather than making decisions for them or controlling their lives, they will find that everything becomes easier and smoother. Furthermore, the parent-child relationship during this period will be established in a more stable and strong way.

Finally, parents should remember that sometimes letting go is also a way to show love to their children. By letting go at the right time, children will grow up and be happier.