I am 28 years old, and my wife and I have been parents for exactly one year.

I don’t know if any other man is like me, but the experience of being a first-time father is truly indescribable for me. Everything feels like a dream, and I was very clumsy when faced with the daily task of childcare.

In fact, my “cluelessness” sometimes made my wife very frustrated, getting in her way while she cared for our child. So, my wife and I agreed that she would primarily handle childcare, while I would focus on the finances outside.

Since then, I’ve been relentlessly focused on earning money, often traveling far away for business. I would only return home for a few days occasionally before leaving again. Nothing seemed wrong until I realized that for a long time, every time I came home, my wife acted cold towards me.

It didn’t stop there; on some nights when I wanted to be intimate with my wife, she would refuse. My intuition suspected something was wrong. I suddenly remembered that we had a surveillance camera in the house, but no one had checked it in a long time. So, I quietly took it out to see what my wife and son were doing at home.

When I watched the video and witnessed my wife’s actions at 1 or 2 in the morning, I finally understood. It turned out that my wife never got a full night’s sleep; she was constantly worried about the baby. She would lie down for just a little while before sitting up again to check on the child. When the baby woke up, she would breastfeed, clean, and play with him…

Because it was her first time being a mother, my wife lacked experience, confidence, and harbored many fears. This whole situation gradually depleted her both physically and mentally. As a result, she no longer had the mood or readiness for anything else around her, including her husband.

At this point, I realized how terrible I’d been! It was both of our first times, but I ran away from the challenge and pushed all the responsibility of caring for a small child onto my wife. Perhaps after this, I will change myself to share the burden with my wife. At the same time, I will allocate a monthly sum to hire a nanny.

If my work is busy and I don’t have time for my wife and child, an experienced nanny at home will make me feel much more at ease…

Confession from reader honguyen…[email protected]

💡 Practical Advice for Mothers and Husbands

In reality, the situation in this story likely happens to many other new mothers. Most mothers, after having a child, are surrounded by feelings of fatigue if they don’t have someone to help them. Therefore, the husband needs to be the one who understands and empathizes with his wife’s struggles, and should share the burden and pay more attention to her.

Additionally, while mothers worry about their children, they also need to pay attention to their own health. Only with good health can they take better care of their children.

For Mothers: Prioritize Your Well-being

1. Utilize free time to sleep: After giving birth, a mother’s sleep time is greatly reduced. Therefore, when your baby sleeps, the mother also needs to sleep. Even if you cannot sleep, you need to close your eyes and rest to relax.

2. Share the childcare work: Mothers can seek out relatives to share the pressure. When the husband returns from work, he can do some chores to lessen his wife’s burden. Also, if the grandparents can help, don’t refuse, as they can at least help with some minor tasks around the house so the mother can rest.

3. Speak up when you’re overwhelmed: When a mother feels she cannot endure any longer, she must speak up. Otherwise, it will affect her health, and more dangerously, cause discord in the family and affect the quality of child-rearing.